Just keep swimming...

Ever watch the movie, Finding Nemo?  It's a favorite here with the daycare kids, and I love it too so it's a fun kind of cuddle up together movie when the weather isn't so nice outside or someone is sleepy.  Sometimes, it's amazing the impact media like that can have on our life.  There are moments that I feel like I'm ready to give up, to cry and just plain take a time out from life, and I hear Dory singing, "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.."  Yep.  Ellen is singing in my head.  I can't believe I just said that. 

But really, that is the choice we have to make occasionally.  To either keep swimming or sink to the bottom - either way it's our choice.  Sometimes life just isn't perfect, and that's okay.  But keep moving, keep trying and it will change - and it has to change.  It might get better, it might get worse, but staying in one place for fear of moving forward isn't going to change anything. 

We've been running a lot lately.  I think I've mentioned that once or twice...or maybe more than that, either way, it's a lot of training.  All for one day to say I did it.  I was commenting today that I wasn't sure about all of this because I am getting to the point after one month of solid running that I am not sure I even want to run 26.2 miles.  Why?  For what?  I don't know.  Maybe it's the tired legs talking.  But I hear that darn song in my head every time I want to stop.  "Just keep swimming"  and I keep running.  And I do it.  Yesterday we ran just about 18 miles.  It was hard - not as hard as I'd envisioned, but hard nonetheless.  But I did it.  And I was proud of myself for the accomplishment.  It was a great day, and I think I even had a 2012 to do list checkmarked.  I ran all day with my husband.  We took our time, talked and ran and ran and ran.  It was a beautiful day and even when we got lost, we kept our cool and kept moving.  ("Just keep swimming")  It was still a beautiful moment when we made it back to the car, however!

I am always grateful for my life - my husband, my friends, my children and my job - but there are still moments in the day when I have to propel myself forward - push myself just a bit harder than I like but that's a good thing, I think.  In life, we need to push ourselves.  Challenges keep us moving forward - giving us something to focus on. 

My new challenge?  Lately, I've not been feeling well and signs are pointing to a diagnosis I'm not sure I can live with.  Celiac's disease.  I don't know how to process that information yet.  I know that for my health, I will have to make peace with it, but still.  No gluten.  Seriously?  What will I eat?  I am waiting on an appointment to meet with a doctor to schedule a test to see if that is the issue but I don't know how long that will take.  In the meantime, I've decided to go gluten free just for today and tomorrow and see if my nausea is better.  And the scariest part?  My nausea has been the best this evening than it's been since before Christmas.  And I haven't had any gluten since yesterday at lunchtime. 

I have been doing research on a gluten free diet and every part of me wants to scream, "no!"  I mean, bread is my life.  All types, all kinds, I just love the stuff.  But I think back to a week ago when I was feeling absolutely awful and I kept eating Wegman's Cherry chocolate bread over and over and over and the next day I was even more sick than the day before.  Connection?  I don't know yet, but the thought still scares me.  So, I will do my sample test and be back to eating bread on Tuesday and see how I feel.  Bad thing is I have to be eating gluten for 4 weeks before the test is done, so this has to be a quick sample and then I might have to feel like crap again for 4 weeks to get confirmation. 

Yes, I've rambled on, but maybe there's someone out there who has some words of advice about this complete and utter fear of the gluten free life that I have.  Until then, I'll "just keep swimming."