It's Mine!

I swear, that's the two words I heard the most all day..."It's Mine!"  Which is of course always followed by one of two things...a cry from the offended party that whoever is in possession of their toy won't give it back or the louder cry of the offending party when the toy is snatched back out of their hands.  Then the struggle ensues.  Back and forth, "it's mine.  No, it's mine.  Miss Sheri....." Until I step in, try to mediate, and if all else fails, the item in question is banished to the top of the toy kitchen, which, fortunately, none of the little hands can reach to the top of.  At which point, the toddlers who were fighting moments before have already moved on to a new target and the cycle begins anew.  Until an exhausted daycare provider, worn out from a roomful of toddler's "it's mine" refrains starts reading a book, trying to distract them.  This works for about 2 minutes, when someone realizes that someone else is just getting a little more "lap room" and starts edging in.  So, what to do when I'm the object of the "it's mine" debate? I sit up on a chair.  I stand up.  And, I completely lose their interest in the book.  Rationalizing with toddlers is a losing game.   They're always one step ahead...moving ever closer to the "it's mine" target that pops up next.


But, if you look closely through those tired eyes from a worn out caregiver, this is the first step to self-confidence when they feel empowered to stand up for what they believe is thier right.  It's the first glimmer into a personality to come - do they give in and are more passive or is it a fight at all costs to win back what's theirs?  It's amazing to be able to watch infants turn into toddlers and toddlers into preschoolers because although each stage has it's own challenges, it's a privilege to see them become their own person.

So, the next time that the toddler or preschooler in your house is driving you crazy, think to how those behaviors will one day benefit them and encourage the behaviors in a positive way as much as you can.  Having the tenacity to stand up for what you believe in is an awesome trait and we could all learn that from a toddler.

My vent about Keystone STARS

Okay, so if you're not a child care provider or parent who uses child care you might not know what Keystone STARS is or why I'm venting about it. So, here's a link to an explanation of the program...http://www.pakeys.org/pages/get.aspx?page=Programs_STARS

Now, if you know what it is or you've taken the time to read about it you might thing it sounds good and why am I venting but just bear with me. There are flaws. Aren't there always flaws? Anyway, here is an email I shared on a group list I belong to and I was encouraged to share it with others in hopes they'd understand the perspective I and several other child care providers share. We all have our own reasons for why we've come to this conclusion but here's my story...

"Quality is important to everyone on this list - it's evident in the previous emails, this discussion and otherwise. I think any one of us could be quality with or without a program telling us how to be. But that might not be the case for every provider out there and no provider, no matter how trained or qualified, is above learning something new. I know I'm not. I was a Star 4 Accredited for over 4 years. Last year I almost quit STARS and decided to try it one more year and see where I was at. That was a tough call because my FDCRS and Accreditation visit could both show up anytime in the month of August and I had a full hysterectomy the end of June I was still recovering from. Talk about being anxious and it would have been easier to drop then! But I was proud of my scores and my stars and my accreditation. I'm willing as a child care provider to go above and beyond and I always have been. I am in TEACH and I will have my BA in a few years and earned my AAS 2 years ago. Being able to do the work and keeping up with work, that's not an issue but I have to see where it is meaningful to myself and my business. Over the last year it really started to lose meaning for me and here's why:

• I saw more and more providers being herded through the levels - pushed through as quick as possible to up the key's numbers and then their support disappeared as the specialists would move on to the next person. I heard that over and over again at every training I went to.
• The amount of paperwork and required trainings has become insane and there is no way I can be in college, raise a family, run a business as well as effectively care for the needs of the children with that hanging over my head all of the time. Not to mention I think the ELN is overly invasive anyway. I am not comfortable sending my daycare children's info to a clearinghouse 3 times a year. It's a lot of info and it will follow them through their lives. I wasn't okay with the implications of that. Scheduling of trainings is a whole other topic. Does anyone realize we work during the day and sometimes providers work multiple shifts? More online trainings, more evening trainings spread out to not take a whole week or day would be nice.
• My college classes don't exempt me from any of the required trainings even though they were on the same subjects - it's not STARS training. Hmmm...so your early learning standards class that will take my entire Saturday is better preparing me to teach and prepare my lessons than 8 separate courses of college work built around the standards in depth? I don't think so.
• Accreditation was being touted as "the easy way to get a Star 4" by every person at the key. So accreditation is a stepping stone to quality not an indicator in and of itself? And a shortcut nonetheless. I work hard keeping up my accreditation standards and they don't reward me in any way. I don't like my National Accreditation being continually devalued.
• If the grants were gone tomorrow who would participate if it wasn't mandatory? I doubt many. So is it promoting quality or is it a means to get funding to providers? If it's funding it's sorely lacking because so few provider even get grant monies. But then some out there who happen to live in the right areas get huge grants. That's not fair. "I'm just here for the money" is a phrase that DRIVES ME CRAZY!! It's not supposed to be about the money. I think I'd like STARS better if there were no grants because then the real motivations would come out.

I could go on but I think I just need a break. I'm trying to remain positive through this but it just sucks. Plain and simple. What could have been a good program for all just overly benefits a few - I felt guilty when I got a grant when I saw other providers not getting them who deserved them. I would share some of my older items with them but why didn't they deserve to get the shiny, new things? It's an unfair program in that respect. I'm glad for the children who have benefited - I truly am but there has to be a better way. The "paper providers" we mentioned can hold it together on paper and for the windowed time frame of their visits but what do they do everyday when the state or STARS isn't looking? I think providers need to get back to supporting other providers. We know what we need and how to help and we know each other. Without anyone else benefiting from it. Once that happens, we lose that autonomy. I guess we'll have to see what the future holds. A few of us around York, where I live, are banding together unofficially - right now we're "the group" lol - and we've been doing projects to promote quality family child care. We hosted a Provider's Parade of Homes in September to let the public and other providers see what a family child care home looked like and we have a few other projects we're working on as well coming in the near future. I guess for me it's my way of staking my claim in promoting quality family child care. And I think it works because we have no expectations of making each other like the next person on the tour - we're unique individuals with our own approach to quality child care and we're good with that. I hope we can keep it going!"