Sometimes all you can do is watch

One of my favorite quotes - "raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree" - is pretty apt to describe our house lately.  I feel like every move I make, every thought I have, everything in general as it pertains to me trying to be a mother is just wrong.  And I don't think that quote really sums it up properly.  Just trying to raise kids in general is an exercise in frustration, so I think that would be a better quote "raising kids is like trying to nail jello to a tree"  - I'm sure most parents would agree.  The girl just moved out for the third time.  It's a charm, right?  Time will tell I suppose.  And the boy hates us.  Plain and simple.  I know, it comes with the territory of being a parent of a teenager, but it makes it no less painful to feel that kind of anger vented your direction.  You think back to the sweet years when you were smart, they adored you and you just knew that they were going to be yours forever, no matter where they headed in life.  Then, they turn 13, and then 14 and then 15 and then the dreaded 16 when they become all knowing, and you are the only roadblock between them and the idyllic life that lies ahead of them.  So they hate you for it.  For your love and your guidance and your punishments because it's all a reminder that they're still a kid even though they know they're ready for that big world that awaits them. 

Funny, I remember those years and all that frustration but it does little to help me relate to them anyway because in their eyes, I can't understand.  I know we're all different and are on our journeys but still, us parents really do know sometimes more than they give us credit for.  But still, sometimes all you can do is watch, holding your breath and praying, hoping that you've done enough, been enough and have given them a firm enough foundation to withstands all of life's storms that you know lie ahead.  And so, I cry and yell - not sure if I'm sad or angry half of the time.  I'm not perfect.  I'll freely admit that and I am thankful God is forgiving and lets me try again, and still keeps guiding my path. 

So, breath taken, mom armor back up and here we go again.

"God, please let me be the mom they need and help me to always be true to the path you've put in front of them, even though I can't see it.  Let me show love, compassion and respect, even when I don't feel it in return and let them always know that I am here through any storm that they may face.  Amen." 

A Rough Weekend

Sometimes the plan just doesn't go according to, well, plan.  And you don't have a choice so it's either fight it and lose or accept it and move on.  That about sums up our weekend.  I haven't run in 3 days, and I missed out on a great trail half marathon that I'd been looking forward to all week because our entire household was hit with one of the worst viruses I think we've had in years.  And this was after spending a whole Saturday trying not to think about the fact that the boy managed to get a ticket at 2 am for being out after curfew when we thought he was spending the night IN at a friend's house.  So, our weekend was just a rough one around here. 

But, rather than spend time angry or upset, I'm really trying to be positive as much as I can.  We had a driving contract with the boy and it outlines the punishments and expectations and, because he already was on restriction for another driving issue that we caught, we are selling his car.  Some people think it's extreme, why do it?  Because it's either sell his car and accept that he's not ready for this big of a responsibility or let him continue on the path he's on and have him or someone else get hurt.  It's just not a chance we're willing to take.  I love that boy but he seems intent on learning the lessons his way.  So, I'm looking at the positives of knowing he's safer, giving him time to mature a bit, less parking issues, etc and ignoring the negatives of us having to drive him to work again, changing up our schedule to meet those demands and hoping our running schedule isn't too impacted.  It's a pain but that can't be a factor in making this decision.  Sometimes being a parent is a pain and I wish more parents accepted that part of the deal.  Your kids aren't always going to like you and if that's the case, you're doing a pretty darn good job probably. 

One plus out of being so sick was it gave all of us a chance to just be together - well, except the girl.  I told her not to come home for fear of her getting sick too.  But she was so nice that she dropped off ginger ale, saltines and sherbert.  How awesome was that?  But being together might have been just what we needed, so I'm thankful for that even though I'd have rather not had to throw up to have it.  It's really one of my least favorite things in the world to do.  But, still, we were all here, not going anywhere and in between napping we hung out a bit.  I miss that. 

I know that no matter what we face as a family, God is in control, watching over us, and there is a peace that comes from that.  I know that life with teenagers is unpredictable and never smooth and it's just something to accept.  God must have made them the way they are for a reason. And he gave us the boy for a reason too, so I know that accepting my role as his mom, even in these teen years, is important and not something I can set aside because it's more convenient for me.  I'll have the rest of my life to have no kids tying me down.  I will try my best to enjoy the moments of the next year with him.  One more year.  Wow...it seems like yesterday when I had this precious little boy in my arms and he'll be 17 in exactly one month which is completely unbelievable to me.  I hope that the next year is a good one for him and he finds the direction, the maturity and learns the tools necessary to tackle his next adventure in life. 

So, even if things look a little rough right now, it's okay.  He's learning, we're learning but we're all still in it together.  I love him.  He's a good kid and it'll be okay.  I know it.  But for now, we're the tough guys and we're selling his car.  And we're okay with it.